Blessings and Curses
I want to let everyone know what time consuming things are going on lately.
I have worked on art for maybe two hours over the past two weeks. Life has "gifted" me some interesting and time consuming... um... I am not sure what to call them...
The first one, my significant other has left the house to serve his country. I am happy and sad he is gone. I know where he will be and he should be as safe as anywhere else. A blessing. It took a while to help him get everything together and I did my best to spend time with him before he headed out.
Once I get the house hold settled I should have more time for art.
Second one, I adopted a friend (and dog) into my family. This friend has serious PTSD from his time in the military and life events after. I am not going to go into his problems, they are his and he is working on them. At this point it is great that he has some kind of support, something he did not have before now. A blessing.
That does not mean that he does not take time and care. He is an extrovert and required tons of energy already, adding PTSD care increases the strain on time. A curse.
Third one, there is a dog in the house. Dogs require attention. More time taken from art times. I have nothing against dogs, other than they require to much attention. I have other things I need to be doing. A curse (to me.)
Fourth one, got a gym membership! Bye bye bloaty fat me. Hello, me who fits into smaller sizes, and more stamina. My poor fashion sense and general lack of giving a f about "society standards of beauty" will not change though. Horray!
I am really looking forward to going. I enjoy lifting weights and how it feels to feel strong(er.) I miss building art in my head while doing exercises. A blessing.
Fifth one, daily schedule change! All these new demands for my time mean I have to change my daily schedule. It is always rough when I need to figure out where things can fit into my day. Nothing is ever written in stone and there will be changes. A curse of sorts.
Some random musings on friends:
Often I think that I would love to be a hermit, or recluse at least. I think life would be much more simple if it was just me and a cat. Painting and meowing, listening to music, and eating the same handful of foods every day. On days like today this lifestyle really appeals to me.
That would be the life. Quite and few surprises.
I realized friends are blessings and wonderful. Friends support you. You can talk to them, bounce ideas off them, ask for advice, even vent. Through a friend you have access to another life and experiences. There is nothing that you cannot figure out if you talk to your friends.
It is also nice to know that someone thinks about you from time to time. That you matter to someone who has no real reason to care, other than that they like you. They do not want anything from you other than you do things that are good for yourself and you grow.
All those things do not make the desire for a shut-in's life any less desirable (for me anyway.)
I love my friends and family. I value them all. I would be in a significantly different place (mentally and emotionally) if it were not for my awesome friends and family. This love and appreciation does not lessen my desire to be done with everything and everyone. Just to be truly alone for a while.
The desire to isolate myself is so strong I am awake at 1am enjoying the sound of the AC, a cat pressed against my leg and some music playing quietly.
"Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse." Just me and the tapping of my fingers on the keys writing this blog post.
Doing my best to not do a lot of things that would be appropriate after a day like today. Doing my best to not isolate myself from people who can support me and help.
Thank you for reading my weird 1am post.
I assure you that I will be fine after some sleep and some quite art time. The mostly boring posts will be back in a few weeks. I already wrote one for next week that is not really boring.